2015
In one of our messenger conversation, my senior once warned me about my choice of doing postgraduate study. Research program? Really? It won’t be easy, you should reconsider.
It’s okay kak, I’ll be fine.
I smiled. For a rebellious girl, what is more motivating me than going against what people suggested to me?and trying to prove to people that they’re wrong?
2017
30 months after I enrolled to M.Phil program, and guess what? I have yet to to graduate. My scholarship finished 6 months ago, as they only gave 24 months of allowance. 24 months is a normal period for doing Masters.
My senior was right. It’s not easy to do research. I struggled so hard, partly because it wasn’t the topic that I’m interested and partly because doing research was a battle.
but as the time went by, I realized that this isn’t only about the two.
When the examiners forgot to send their approval, when the campus officer rejected my draft due to very few formatting mistakes, or when it took forever to revise my own abstract…..
Bureaucracy. Some people pass their viva and get their release letter in no time,while some don’t. I belong to the second group.
I finished the thesis, I passed my viva, yet I can’t graduate. 7 months and the process is still going on.Bureaucracy.
Now I understand what my friend said when he was stuck in the similar situation (even worse, and I can’t imagine if I fell into his shoes) :
I don’t care anymore
hearing that, my reaction was : Oh come on man, you’ve gone this far and now you want to let go? it’s only centimeters away from graduation.
and now…. at this point I really want to say the same thing. Gosh, can I just run away? I have got a job anyway, and I can re apply to another Masters program anytime.
but then…. you sure you wanna do that, babe? After all the struggle and hardship? After so many great things you got to experience bcus of this program?
After 2 years of research.. you don’t want people to read your work? (talking about being the most beneficial person on Earth)
Do not give up. Don’t.
10/1/2018
Written at home, after having a dental surgery which turned out to be a real torture for the whole body.